Listen baby, you and me are gonna make hot steamy muskrat love, 'cause I can go all night, and--well, okay, not ALL night. I probably really can't make love all night. Honestly, I don't think there's really ANYTHING I can do all night--hell, I'm lucky to sleep all night. But I can go for several long, sweaty hours. Well, maybe that's pushing it, too. Okay listen, you're gonna get an extremely satisfying 40 minutes from me. Yessir, 40 top-quality minutes. Well, maybe not TOP top quality, but still very good... Now then, let's talk about photos. I'm afraid I'm going to have to enforce a strict policy of not sending photos of my genitalia to strangers. I also refuse to take some crappy, poorly lit photo of my wang and post it up on here, even though I know very well and for absolute certain that that is the best way to make my way into a woman's bed, and subsequently into her heart. I'm sorry, but no matter how much you beg, no matter how much you plead, I'm going to have to say: "no penis pics". That's what they call "tough love". So you can all just stop asking. (Seriously, that never happens, but you would sure think it does to look at all the pics the guys seem to be slapping up on here.) Now listen, I think I'm the guy for you. I'll admit I'm not perfect, but I have my good points: I have a good job, I call my mom once a week, I play an instrument, I own my own pants, I read, I can juggle, I know several big words, and I can even make at least two barely edible dishes. Physically, I'm 5 foot 9, with a muscular build but without the requisite hairy shoulders or unibrow. Oh I know what you're thinking, so stop right there: "If you're so wonderful, Mr. smart-cakes, why are you on this site with the other 9 billion male sleazebags?" That's a good point, but sheesh, I got on here to meet someone cool, not get into some kind of argument, so if that's the way you're gonna be it's NO PENIS PICS FOR YOU!!! Sexually, I'm pretty open, as long as no animals, vegetables, other guys, or certain minerals are involved.

My Ideal Person I'm looking for a woman that is warm, intelligent, funny, and understands why men like to watch the "Three Stooges". If I can be shallow for just a moment, I'm also interested in someone in reasonably (or unreasonably) good shape. Oh, and piano players get bonus points. So do women who like video games and bad movies. Women with breast sizes in the DD range and beyond are of course exempt from the other requiremnts. Kidding! I'm kidding! Sort of. But anyway, I hope to hear from you, whoever you are. Sooner or later SOMEBODY is going to have to write to me on this thing, and why shouldn't it be you? Listen, I know what you're thinking about guys that post ads on here, and let me reassure you that we're not ALL fat, hairy, beer-swilling, butt-scratching, wrestling-watching couch-yeti. Some of us don't even LIKE wrestling!